Ockham Bites, Cobham

In a 2016 national survey, 72% of tradespeople named the bacon sandwich as their favourite workplace snack. Following this groundbreaking research, a competition was launched to find the best bacon sarnies in Britain.

The top ten winners were placed onto a national Butty Map and one of the winning locations is right here in Surrey – just off the Effingham turning on the A3 towards Portsmouth.

The traffic cone prevents people from stealing the sign.

Given this huge claim to fame, we had to drive down and give it a try. The cafe sits in a tree-lined turning, equipped with picnic benches but no indoor seating.

The cafe also serves a variety of other snacks.

I approached the window and was greeted by a man who did not seem overly delighted to see his first customer of the hour. Undeterred, I ordered a bacon butty with HP sauce and a coffee.

Baristas look away now

It’s been a long time since I paid for a coffee like this: a spoonful of Nescafé granules, hot water and a splosh of milk. It’s like something you’d make in your room at the Travelodge.

I’m not a coffee snob, so I didn’t hate it. But if you are, you might.

Anyway, onto the main event…

The Ockham Bites sarnie: No frills necessary.

Clearly, they’re not trying to reinvent the wheel. This is not a maple-glazed heritage pork with artisan sourdough and craft brown sauce. It’s the kind of sandwich that a person eats one-handed in their white van while they change lanes without signalling.

Still, I’m a little taken aback. It shouldn’t be this good.

It’s simple, yet more than the sum of its parts. The soft white bread soaks up the shameless slathering of butter, and the bacon itself (sourced from a local farm) is salty, smoky and generous while the brown sauce provides the necessary acidity and sweetness.

It is very much the perfectly executed, simple sarnie of my dreams.

Ockham Bites ‘ secluded surroundings.

I often complain that we don’t do simple food well in this country. In countries with stronger food cultures, you’ll find countless places dedicated to the absolute perfection of just one thing. A tiny stall that has spent three generations perfecting a single dumpling; a hole-in-the-wall that only serves perfect pork and rice.

The British equivalent, it turns out, is a bloke in a woodland lay-by who has perfected the bacon butty. There are no Michelin stars here, and your dining room is the front seat of your car. But Ockham Bites have found their lane and mastered it.

If you’re ever on the A3 southbound, skip the service stations and pop-in for the butty of your life.

Find Ockham Bites